Thursday, September 29, 2005

This is a critical week for me

Somehow this week is symbolic because just like what the jazz standard's title claims, "Everything happens to me." Without trying to recap what happened to me during the last few days, all I can say is, it's been a bumpy roller-coaster ride. Usually my one outlet is playing music at Cafe Toulouse on Saturday night. Even that was mysteriously closed and I had to let all my stress and anger out by running every day.

When everything's happening to you, you know you're living, or your life is being lived. Depending on how you look at it. It's only Thursday. I know all of you have your own stories to recount, your own challenges to face, and your own obstacles to overcome, but allow your humble writer here to ramble. I've been a little detached to my readers lately, often posting things that are less personal and more allegorical. One fear is that unwelcomed trespassers read my blog and paint me with a black brush (It's happened before - see some of my old posts). These days I've learned to draw a balance between keeping certain business to myself and letting some of my feelings known. It's been working. An exaggerated effect would resemble a "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episode when Larry David's just being too candid with his feelings and emotions. I'm close to that, but I'm not that blatant and shameless.

Anyway, many people release their emotions in different ways: playing music, running, and posting on bulletin boards. If someone says, "You should stop posting stuff on the bulletin board and really live your life and keep your business to yourself," you know they're personally offended or affected by your post. Maybe they are the very people who you accuse in your posts.

I know I'm jumping all over the place, but my main point is this: You've gotta have a support network. A female friend of mine's major support network is her group of homosexual Asian male friends. More power to her. My support network is global: I have friends all over the globe to boost my morale from time to time. However, my friends in DC are limited. They are truly dear to me, but they are very few and far between. I could go on and blame DC for being transitory and cold and aloof. But the point is: I find it hard to have people let me into their lives. Perhaps they already have a full and fulfilled life and having more person come in would mess up their meticulously organized schedule. I don't know.

Here I would like to welcome my two friends Justin and Ah Sir to the blogging world. It looks like Ah Sir has been a blogger for a long time. In this age of technology, you find comforting that your support network may come from the blogging community, especially when you have a global support network.

"Think globally. Act locally" is a pretty darn pretentious slogan. I say, "Have a global support network, but retain your local friends because at least you can meet them at Starbucks."


Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Being Lloyd Dobler

"Say Anything" is a movie that I often re-visit because it gives me comfort and every time I watch it I learn new subtle details about the movie. Most of all, I idolize the Lloyd Dobler character. Perhaps it is John Cusack's pitch-perfect performance that brings out the best in Lloyd Dobler.

Subconsiously I have always wanted to be Lloyd Dobler or act out some of his qualities in real life. He's the world's greatest guy: sweet, naive about life, devoted to relationships, and true to his friends. He has almost no flaws. And everybody in that movie has some sort of sweet innocence about them, even the girl's father (played by John Mahoney). When he was in the department store, he said to the sales clerk, "You've the best smile I've seen all week."

I remember after the first time I watched the movie I asked myself, "Where on earth do you find such cool people?" From then on, I've tried to model my behavior after some of these characters, most notably Lloyd Dobler.

Then I realize it's not easier being Lloyd, because many people try to prevent you from being like him. If you're nice to them, they take advantage of you or play games. Girls mistreat Dobler-esque guys because they pose no challenge to them. How I'd like to hold a stereo above my head in the middle of the night in Diane Court's courtyard blasting Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes"!

But Lloyd is not without suffering. When he's first dumped by Diane, he says, "I gave her my heart; she gave me a pen." Been there, done that. Really, Lloyd Dobler is an average Joe that has triumphed over life and love. He's the champion of the common man. A person who understands it all by not actively seeking to understand it.

Somewhere somehow some girls will allow their men to be their Lloyd Dobler, a term more noble than just Prince Charming. If you have found your Lloyd, let me know. Guys, if one day you realize you can really be like Lloyd Dobler, you've found the one.

Boogers are more stubborn than self-esteem.


Monday, September 26, 2005

No more Mr. Nice Guy.


Wednesday, September 21, 2005

It makes no difference now

Human emotions are a bitch! Sometimes you think you control your emotions but they just keep pouring on you like cold water. Because of that, I'm more awake these days. Ever since I returned from Hong Kong, I've been more disciplined, likable, and liked. I find myself more at peace and less concerned about my surroundings and mean things people try to do to me. In a way, it's doing me a lot of good. The Hong Kong trip was certainly the most momentus trip in recent months. It signified my family under one roof, one that lasted 28 plus years. I was born in that home. There's a lot of history in that home. My Dad often said I left home too young. I feel that I have never left. Every time I go back home it's like living my childhood all over again. Maybe I never lived my childhood to the fullest. Maybe I miss certain advantages being a child.

It's good to come back to a place where people still function properly. People are nicer to me. No more outdoor pool, but the sun's still shining. The moon liked great on the mid-autumn festival. I ate mooncake. Drank milk. Lived life. Thought nostalgic thoughts. Read books about twisted logic. Read newspapers. Saw "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Cannot complain much about life.

My soul is itching now. I want to scratch it but I don't know where the itching comes from. It's kinda funky. How do you stop your soul from itching?

Wish I could see Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown play "Okie Dokie Stomp."


Monday, September 19, 2005

Bathroom break

Apparently, President Bush needed one during the UN Summit.


Friday, September 16, 2005

The important stuff in life

Take risks.

Be straight forward. Speak your mind at appropriate times.

Be simple but not simplistic.

Learn to love and embrace the world except rude cab drivers.

When you're down and out, watch a Woody Allen movie to cheer you up or "The Mechanics of Commonality: How to be Successful in Life in 6 Easy Steps" to boost your morale.

Re-read Kafka.

Steal prose from Nabokov.

Analyze the different between early Rock N'Roll and R&B (not Kanye West R&B).

If you can't sleep, read some Clarence Thomas majority opinions.

Google the name of the boy/girl you had a crush on in fifth grade.

Think about the funniest Mr. Bean episode you've watched.

Write a check to yourself and postmark it 1/1/2006.

Laugh. Laugh.

Laugh out loud.


Monday, September 12, 2005

I need a spare moment to think

The jetlag's kicking in. I'm finally back after a rather successful trip to Hong Kong. What have I learned?

I learned the Hong Kong Disneyland has created more problems than it can solve. I've heard arguments that Hurricane Katrina is God's answer to Bush. I think Roberts is a duchebag and he does not have the capacity to replace Rehnquist. Two blues legends passed: R.L. Burnside and Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown. Fats Domino was found in a systematic rescue and he said, "We've lost everything."

I'm listening to a tape that I made roughly 11 years ago, capturing a 90-minute performance from Chris Shepard, a teacher that I admired and a folk singer/guitarist.

My best quality is being nostalgic about everything and romanticizing everything. I found two test papers from my elementary school period and I'll post them online soon.

Money can buy love; but money cannot buy the feeling of when one first falls in love. And most of us want to be a relationship in order to repossess that feeling.

It's obviously more healthy to love than to hate. It's hard to love the world, especially given that there are many rude cab drivers.

I found this on ebay:

I'm back.

It ain't real.


Tuesday, September 06, 2005

House of the Rising Sun

My sympathy to those whose lives are ruined in New Orleans.
Shame on you, Mr. Bush!


There is a house in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God I know I'm one

My mother was a tailor
She sewed my new bluejeans
My father was a gamblin' man
Down in New Orleans

Now the only thing a gambler needs
Is a suitcase and trunk
And the only time he's satisfied
Is when he's on a drunk

------ organ solo ------

Oh mother tell your children
Not to do what I have done
Spend your lives in sin and misery
In the House of the Rising Sun

Well, I got one foot on the platform
The other foot on the train
I'm goin' back to New Orleans
To wear that ball and chain

Well, there is a house in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God I know I'm one


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