Friday, August 17, 2007

My blog

I've been neglecting my blog. Not just physically, but mentally. Sometimes I only update the seemingly triumphant stuff that happens in my life, but I've forgotten that this is really a platform for me to let my feelings known. I've been working, night and day, and I haven't had time to sit down and gather my thoughts. Finally, I've decided to do it now.

After waking up from a 3-hour sleep after a gig from last night, I am still sleepy like a zombie. I'm going to take a good 4-hour nap after my badminton game in the p.m. The gig was an experience for me. It's been my dream to play with one of my *childhood* idols Eugene Pao, I should be happy like a kid longing for candy. Honestly, it wasn't my best game last night due to the shitty sound system (I kept getting feedback), but who cares? I was standing next to one of the best guitarists in the world, doing my thing, witnessing Vince and Eugene trade licks. What can be better than that?

These days I've learned to deal with unexpected situations a lot better. Life does not resemble rehearsals. That's why I often believe you can't really rehearse for a blues gig. You have to let your feelings out. And sometimes the external factors inhibit you from doing so. So what do you do? You just wait and be patient. Sometimes that's all you CAN do. Just wait and be patient. Then the opportunity comes, and it's your turn to shine again. I'd like to thank all of those who came last night. I apologize for the long wait until our set. It's not up to me, but you were generous enough to stay. You know who you are.

I've been pondering a lot of thoughts lately, and cannot come to a complete conclusion. Jason Choi was apt to point out I have a contrasting on-stage and off-stage persona. The real me is neither. What I do on stage is only a version of me. It defines partly what I am. The rest you have to find out through the off-stage me. It might take a little time because I am slow to warm up to.

I was teaching this children Bible class in late July. Similar circumstances happened. The kids were slow to warm up to me but when they did, the results were rewarding. I became very popular with them. I don't strive for becoming popular, but what is encouraging is that somehow, somewhere, people do dig my style. There's a style for everyone, some objectively good, some bad. Initially, people change themselves to adjust to the world and people around them, and they usually stick to an identity. My identity is "hipster who is a lawyer by day and a blues harmonicist by night who also teach Sunday Bible school and play badminton casually." That's the role that I play these days. To a large extent it works.

I hope it works for you too. The problem about confidence is "can you really find yourself?" Once you do, the world becomes an easier place to live.

Finally, I want to thank those who have encouraged and supported me so much in the past. I owe everything to you. And without you, I wouldn't be who I am today, both on and off stage.

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