Thursday, January 25, 2007

After all, life is a parallel parking experience!

I deleted my earlier post today, because I want to stop bragging about myself. I've placed too much emphasis on how people think of me by looking at how many or what kind of comments I've been getting. And the result is, there aren't many. Frankly, I don't know who's reading my blog or who else has been following my daily life. I used to care about what kind of stuff I write because I want to cater to my target audience. Now, I don't know who my target audience is; I might have lost some of them. After all, my blog isn't the most interesting one on the net and I seem to regurgitate and dwell on my themes too much (like recent Woody Allen movies and Van Morrison albums).

It's been a roller-coaster ride of a day, week, maybe even month. I've gained a lot during the past months, and at the same time, I've learned a little more about myself. Self-identity is something that differentiates between the wise and the foolish. I'm somewhere in between. Sometimes I think too highly of myself, other times I lack confidence.

The thing is, success and failure are all relative. Wong Wing Fai asked me yesterday, "Have you ever fallen down and encountered obstacles in your life?" I said, "Yes, relatively." My sufferings are trivial compared to people starving in Afghanistan or the homeless children in mainland China, but they were still sufferings that I experienced. They were *real* to me. My happiness is real too because I can pinpoint to one snapshot of my life and say, "At that time, I was happy." And it is this longing for being *real* that still drives me every day. I want to be real to you, and I hope you can reciprocate similar feelings to me. For now, I strive for being tangible to my neighbors.

Life is a parallel parking experience. Like a street parking space, what is destined to be yours will ultimately belong to you. To get the perfect parking spot, sometimes you just have to drive around it. Eventually, a car will leave that spot and it will be free and clear of encumbrances and you can slide your car right in. To borrow an old cliche, timing is everything. So you always have to be prepared for that open parking space. It is that time when you're soul-searching in silence that you can really hear and see clearly.

It is just that simple. To be free is to be happy. No one is absolutely free. However, the mind is the most important tool to attain freedom. I remember watching this scene Shawshenk Redemption and thinking to myself, "I'm going to use this line by Morgan Freeman to become my motto." Obviously, I've forgotten this motto for the past few years. I found it on Youtube again. So instead of posting something braggy, I share this with you instead:

This is hard to do, but today is a good day to start.

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