Monday, January 09, 2006


My friend KLEE has posted a few "meat and potatoes" entries on his blog. My posts, on the contrary, have been nothing but lame lately. No concrete details about my daily life, just constantly general posts about this and that. There's no passion in it. Granted, I haven't felt jazzy or groovy lately. I've just been back in that late autumn mode, the Van Morrison state of mind. Perhaps even back to Square One.

I thought my Christmas break in NYC would be an important one, but it turned out to be just one of those typical long weekends. Perhaps I need new inspirations. I try to find some in books and movies. Lately I've been re-reading a book that I love, entitled "Music's Spring and Autumn" (in its direct Chinese translation). Bit by bit, I've gradually retained that refineness I once had. Perhaps that refineness serves as my motivation to move onto better things and my guiding light.

I had a weird dream last night about being back in my high school and middle school classrooms, being with the classmates I once studied with. It's a strange feeling. It gave me both pressure and unspoken joy. Pressure, because I don't want to sit in another classroom taking another test again (but it just seems like I've been taking tests all my life). Joy, because I truly enjoyed my classroom days. I was the strongest and most confident then. Because I knew what I was doing and saying. I was a King in the classroom.

I don't know where this post is going, frankly. This is not to reaffirm I'm a nostalgic person. I am. But it goes deeper than that. Perhaps my relationship with life is that of Chopin and George Sand. Just trying to find what's missing in each other's soul. This is to begin 2006 on a good note. The dream was a wake-up call to me. I need to regain that refineness and confidence that I once had, with a spice of nostalgia. And with a little bit of luck, my soul's loopholes will once again be mended.

Impromptu is sometimes a cool breeze when one's searching for solutions.

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