Monday, August 22, 2005

Some of the luckiest people ever

Ringo Starr - The least musically gifted member of the Beatles. Mediocre drummer. But constantly getting royalties without having to work one more day of his life. Plus, he's alive and happy, unlike John and George, who are not here anymore.

Mark Hammill - The most unattractive lead in movie history. Did minimal on screen. But due to the popularity of the Star Wars trilogy, he doesn't need to work one more day of his life.

Art Garfunkel - The whitest guy in the world with an Afro. Tagging along the genius of Paul Simon and first appeared with Simon as "Tom & Jerry." Never wrote a song while in Simon & Garfunkel. Just sang chorus vocals and still getting crazy royalties.

Clarence Thomas - First Supreme Court Justice appointed by affirmative action. Has never written a single coherent, thoughtful majority opinion. Even less meaningful concurring/dissenting opinions. Falls asleep at hearings. The laziest Justice ever. This reaffirms the belief that if you are a black man in America and want to get out of poverty, join the Republican Party.

Keanu Reeves - Perhaps the most horrible actor ever existed. But hey, the Matrix trilogy saved him.

Nicole Richie - Born to a rich father and became accidentally famous due to a stupid TV show, even though most attention fell on her co-star Paris.

Haylie Duff - Tagging along the success of sister Hilary. Can't even sing, or dance. However, I gotta say I was thoroughly impressed by her noteworthy performance in "Napoleon Dynamite."

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