Wednesday, October 27, 2004

My onion breath is killing me!

I had Jerry's for lunch. It's always a dilemma because you know you're gotta get the best cheesesteak in the world, but your afternoon breath is gonna suck. Not just Jerry's a dilemma; many things are. Should I go to this Halloween party and dress up as a Chinese man, or should I screw all the Halloween festivities and go swing dancing instead? Well, since I'm not invited to any Halloween parties this year, the former doesn't apply.

Why is it that Jewish women become more Jewish as they grow older? When they're younger, they'd go out with Gentiles primarily to rebel against their parents and sneakily eat non-kosher hot dogs and cheeseburgers. When they grow older, they start going to the temple and reclaim their lost Jewish faith. And after they have had their perfect Jewish marriages, they forbid their sons and daughters to date other Gentiles. Why? This doesn't happen to, say, Catholic women. I think the "Jewish Woman Blues" is beginning to make sense. It may be reality after all.

I thought I was an expert at reading body languages. But lately, trapezoids give me their attitude. DC nurtures moody, ungrateful trapezoids. They think because they have a good job on the hill and they get hit on by random strangers on due to their obsolete high school prom photos, they are hot shit. I'm sorry, but I'm a stickler for old-fashioned manners and courtesy. Let's all try to be polite.

Lately, I've been fascinated by people who do yoga, tai chi, tarot cards, and some form of modern dances. Interesting to know many of them used to be (or still are) potheads and tree huggers and now they talk about energy flow and being one in the environment. Usually these people have a tattoo on their arms or a bellybutton ring or wear a headband. Chances are, they'll show up at Phish and Gov't Mule concerts. You gotta love these people. They are the reason why there's still PEACE in the world.

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