Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Amores Perros

Love is a bitch. There I said it.

First, Ed was crushed. And now this guy. And I'm somewhere between the devil and the deep blue sea. I don't know if I should link it because I don't want to publicize someone else's misery. But I want to excerpt several enlightening sentences:

I can't say I hate her, because she's done a lot for me. She's made me feel like a whole normal person, and made me believe in myself and that I can make it. She's taken care of me, and she loved me, whatever that means to her. She's been good to me. She's not a terrible person.

But she also pretty much destroyed me. She's taken all the belief and hope I had in humanity and totally crushed it. She's made me doubt people, she's made me feel like I'm worthless, and she's totally turned the past year and then some into a giant lie. She made me feel like I can't believe in anyone anymore. And that includes myself. She's ruined all my hope for the future. I never wanted to fall in love with her (emphasis added) , and when I did, she tore my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. And the worst part is, she never meant to hurt me. She never did anything to intentionally destroy me. And that's the cruellest cut of all.
It all sounds like a Woody Allen movie, or that Cat Stevens song (with a remake by Rod Stewart) "The First Cut is the Deepest, Baby I know." Yeah, sing along! But in a city like DC, we create our own problems. The truth in Brian's eloquent monologue sounds oh so familiar. I once wrote a minor blues called "I Wanna Be Good To You" with a chorus line as follows: "I wanna be good to you/It's not cuz I love you/I just kinda like you." Yeah, and that's the troooth.

We've all been in the garbage can before, and we know how much it stinks inside. We kinda have to go through this shit to understand what life really means. Ed has given up, and I wish Brian all the best. How much heartache does it take to find the right match?

Now you guys know why I play the blues.

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